a girl called spokes
speak easyArchive for thoughts
thanksgivin’ eve morning.
that’s what it is! we just made some hearty pumpkin pancakes to send everyone on their festive way. didn’t have much though, way too thick and heavy for my liking. for the last cousple days, i’ve consistently weighed a pound or so over 110. no good. too bad tomorrow is the national day of pigging the fuck out. whatever…i’ll deal.
i feel sick to my stomach now due to hearing troy cough and hack forever in the shower room right before i took a shower. he really grosses me out :/ blaaaah
i have no idea what i’m packing all my stuff into today! i need to finish jayme’s present!
did you know: i am now listening to v. v. classy classical tunes via the radio.
byeeeee
apple cider on the mind.
mm mmm delicious, it fueled me all the way to work on this unbearabley cold day. i don’t mind though, becuase i’m homeward bound tomorrow! stoked. last night i helped sam with his presentation for class and i felt quite intelligent. sometimes i can tell that he’s irritated i know more than him at times. ha! can’t wait to see family, jayme, penny, etc.
sam + caffiene.
is the cutest and rarest thing to ever observe. i made him a coco and coffee mixture the other morning and he was hit immediatley, leaping around like a seven year old boy with ridiculous adhd.
i just don’t want to forget the moment when a old man jogged by as we were saying our goodbyes outside the lorax. “okay okay” he said, enthusiastically. ” i’ve got to go run with him now!” and bounded away. oh i love him.
start.
so last night, after eating a third of a dumpstered trader joe’s pecan pie leaving me in a sickly state in my room, i decided to tell sam about this problem. it felt so dramatic and unnecessary, it’s just a frusterating battle to me. even though this doesn’t sound too reassuring, i feel like a clean slate, like i can start anew before it’s too late. i am so far from having to ‘emotionally eat’, my life is so SO GOOD. so it’s ridiculous and something i should not even both about. that’s that.
we went to spencer’s butte this morning and it was beautiful! right when we got to the top, the clouds blew away reveling all the open farmlands of fall. oh hoorah! sushi night soon. wheeee.
molly’s playing cat powers in her room. her music is not very diverse. i feel sad about johnathon, i feel like molly is in the same place sam was at when i was at my lowest. she’s gotta know it’s not her problem to solve, just to aide in finding the solution.
registered.
INFO HELL
SPANISH
WESTERN HISTORY
blaaaaah. should be terrible but at least i got into them! anddddd lacey & melissa are taking info hell too, so we can kill people together. to go or not to go to the hot springs tonight? i don’t want to let raquel down, but it’s a long trip, plus i kind of want to get silly with lacey and go to bed early-ish, tomorrow’s going to be packed. love.
rainy rainy day.
without an umbrella.
i woke up to sam kissing my cheeks and smiling sleepily, so much better than yesterday 
today’s yoga class was a workout, i feel physically weary and wish that it wasn’t so rainy so i could ride my bike, not walk, to work. OREGON you are so odd, beams of sunlight are now painfully bursting through the dark and stormy cloud. i would hate to be an oregon weatherman. woman. three more postcards to place.
thanks amy! part 2.
FOR SO MUCH FREE COFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
& nori. she wins.
i just ate 1/2 a old wrap that was in the fridge. hope i live.
healthy and happy.
in the gym after yoga today i was talking to lindsey as she dressed for her daily swim. i always think of lindsey as the frailest, smallest girl i know, nibbling on raw grains or a veggie smoothie. although she is constantly in motion, she always looks easily breakable, i suppose. so when a girl put down her bags at a locker nearby and started to change who looked tiny next to little lindsey, i was shocked. although i look at the proanorexia site often, i guess it’s been a while since i have actually seen an anorexic girl in real life. terrifying. i couldn’t help but stare, and i never gawk at anyone. she layer on leggings and long socks to warm her bone-thick legs, and her spine stood out like the inside of a turtle’s shell. her locker was filled with workout materials- running shoes, water bottles, clothing, etc., yet her body looked in no shape to even walk out the door. my whole perception on anorexia has been skewed, this is no game, but a disease. as i caught my healthy reflection in the locker room mirror, i felt beautiful, and happily walked home to a delicious filling lunch (warm bean chili, thanks katie).
briefly.
what was it about kali that was so irritating last night? i hope i do alright on this wilderness survival final today, it hold so much importance. can’t wait to get home and restart, recharge, i’m bursting at the seams and finding it impossible to organize and prepare for the future. wish we had house coffee. off to the day!
p.s. last night when i was washing my face before bed next to andrea (who is my favorite), i was humming softly. “i love how i can always tell if you’re walking down the hall or in a room by the sound of a whistle or a hum” she told me. i loved this.
