happy day of turkey. such an awesome one to come home to. rose early in my beddy, had a relaxing breakfast, then headed out to trinidad pier for the blessing of the fleet- apparently a tradition i had never heard of where people gather to bless the crab fishermen of the upcoming season. it was such a sweet ceremony, had a lot of soul with only one focus, nothing underlaying or subconsciously hidden underneath. we blessed and thanked the sea and the men who braved it, smelled burning herbs as a native american man did a ceremonial prayer, and listened to acoustic guitar music from a dispatch-eque guy. such a wholesome and selfless collection of positive people on a positive morning in my favorite place on earth- home. so grateful for everything i am provided with and lucky enough to be apart of. reconnecting with old friends for this weekend feels pressure-less and comfortable, no weird stresses of last thanksgiving. i feel so free and thankful. how cliche, but who’s to judge? i made an amazing pie, and every portion of the feast was perfect. mmm. didn’t overstuff and only am a pound heavier than this morning. stoked for an early morning bike ride tomorrow and a funk-tastic party at matt’s tomorrow eve. i miss sam, but i know he’s having a great time, as are my other eugenian and humboltonian friends.

currently sitting by the woodstove, in my favorite spot. penny sleeping at my feet, a unfinished puzzle on the floor, mom reading the eye on her chair and dad doing some work on his laptop in his. this is where i want to be and this is what i must cherish. damn. lucky.

i am only writing this to prove to myself that i need to change.

1. 3 pieces of dried fruit stolen from m.o.c.
2. 3 small pieces of panda express (ewwww) chicken
3. vegan chocolate peanut butter thing from drug rep.
4. a bit o hummus and pita chips
5. bites of chicken leg

i disgust myself. only coffee and carrots for dinner.

for so much chocolate! hooraaaaaay there goes my afternoon. hah. all she talks about is food, not too helpful on my part for this recovery process. or do you think it’s just my mind picking out all the food related items and amplifying them? nah, it’s really all she talk about. it sounds so cruel, but i secretly love telling her the little amount of food i’ve eaten, just to see her reaction. i’m getting over all of this though, which is good. so good. all binges are = bad news.